The To Do List

 "I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything." 
-Jerry Seinfeld

I assure you, I am still alive! Last week I inundated Bowman's Corner with an onslaught of new and exciting posts, and then dropped off the face of the planet. There's a reason for this. Things have drastically picked up at ORTV. I film six TV articles and record three radio articles this week alone, and I have started going on English activities and cultural encounters at schools, both of which will be written about in due time. The unfortunate truth is, blogging DOES take time, and since I have to finish writing a large article by tomorrow, I'm just about out of time. I promise you, I will do my part to keep you up to date on my whatabouts and whereabouts...

...but all in due time!

Awesome Little Thing #5: Chinglish

I'll admit, it's hard as an English speaker to have a bad day in Taiwan. There are many reasons for this, but it is particularly difficult not to smile when you are enjoying a nice cold "snow corn" or stopping by your friendly neighborhood "Starbutts".

Yes, I have only been here for a couple weeks and already I have found it pretty difficult to miss these little jewels.

So if ever you're feeling down, and could use a little smile, just go out for a walk. I'm sure you'll find something eventually.

…awesome!

"Jason's Church"

Woke up early Sunday morning, which makes sense since I ended up sleeping all day Saturday. 

After making it happen with the captain, I hopped onto Mr. T's wild ride and made my way over to what we call "Jason's Church". (I call it this because I can't remember its real name). Jason's Church is all in Chinese, so I had to fake my way through a lot of the service, especially the interactive part.

"You said: 耶穌愛你，對不對？"

As difficult for me to understand as it was, it was amazing to know that even though we weren't speaking the same language linguistically, we were speaking the same language spiritually. We sang, prayed, and took communion, and after the service, there was a time of fellowship, and free lunch.

Sweet!

It was a pretty awesome experience, and praising God, in no matter what language, is one thing I look forward to doing again. Thanks Jason, you've got a pretty neat church!

Awesome Little Thing #4: Eating an Entire Sleeve of Oreos

The Oreo cookie. A sweet  layer of pure creamy bliss gently caressed between two crumbly, crispy chocolaty wafers. The cure to any failed term paper, loud obnoxious coworker, or a blind date gone wrong. Just one taste of that familiar chocolaty goodness, and you're taken back to better times. When the only thing you had to worry about was eating all of your peas so you could get dessert.

There are some days that are so bad, continuing your diet just adds insult to injury. So I say, take a load off. Put on your favorite movie, curl up on the couch, and eat those things by the sleeve, because tomorrow will be a better day!

Awesome!

Blue Sky Holiday?

So FridayI was all high and mighty saying I was having a wonderful time here and life was just peachy! I spoke a little too soon, and ended up jinxing myself. Saturday was just all around a bad day. Oh it had it's good parts to be sure, but I ended it on a sour note, and I don't think I left a good impression. Allow me to explain…

I guess I haven't been sleeping very well, because I spent most of the day half-awake, and half-dreaming that I was hunting flying squid while riding a giant tyrannosaurus rex with Conan the barbarian.

…doesn't do much for my social life

Anyway, I had made plans to meet a bunch of people for lunch, but being a complete newbie, I had no idea how to get there. I decided to follow Naomi, who I discovered, ALSO had no idea how to get there. Naomi and I grabbed a cab and directed him towards the general area of the restaurant, which we knew wasnear a hospital. We obviously confused the driver because he kindly dropped two completely healthy people off at the emergency room, and left. So we started walking out into the unknown city. 

Long story short, after walking a good mile or two, a couple more cabs, and a tour of what seemed like the entire north Taipei area, we found the restaurant where everyone was waiting for us. Getting lost in a foreign country where you don't know the language and everyone is always watching you = not very much fun. If I was in a better mood I would have laughed it off, but I am normally very good with directions, so this made me more homesick than anything.

For dinner, I had told a bunch of friends that I would show up to their "Thai Tie" party that night. Unfortunately, after lunch I went straight home and fell asleep, only to wake up hours later long after the party had ended. Feeling like a complete failure, I curled up on the couch, turned on an episode of Friends, and sulked over a bowl of fake Cheerios. Not a fun day. Pray for me as I approach my third week, and will surely experience some culture shock sometime soon!

Friday Night Live

So as I've mentioned before, every Friday night, we at ORTV put on a Bible study event called Friday Night Live. It's designed for people to come use their English with the teachers that they've seen on TV and heard on the radio, fellowship, worship, and learn new things from the Bible. I will start teaching at Friday Night Live soon, but for now, I am just sitting in.

There are several students that have been coming to Friday Night Live for years, but there are usually a few new ones each week. For them, we have what is called Bible Basics. Those are classes that introduce the basics of the Bible and Christianity, in an easy to chew format. It's fun to meet new people, and give some of them a little taste of Christianity, which many of them seem completely open to hearing.

After FNL, I found myself surrounded by students who were eager to hear about who I was, where I came from, and just what was I doing in Taiwan anyway? In fact, just about everyone asked me that question. I guess it didn't make sense to them that I would leave California to come here. Either they have a different view of Taiwan or they know something I don't, because I've been having a great time here, and I don't foresee that changing anytime soon!

Awesome Little Thing #3: The sound your voice makes when you talk into a fan

Being a grown up is no fun. Rundowns, staff meetings, and indexing… who cares!

There was a time in each of our lives when we didn't need a constant barrage of TV, internet, and music to be entertained. When we built skyscrapers out of boxes and tried to see who could shoot berries out of their noses the farthest, (or whatever it is little girls do). 

When a kid sees a fan, they know exactly what to do. Stick your face right next to those spinning blades, make your biggest smile, and go: "W-o-o-o-o-o-a-a-a-a-a-h-!-!-!-!" Because it's the little things like that happy little sound that make life so…

…awesome!

Sticky Pics

Thursday Night I had my first Taipei night market experience. For those of you who don't know what a night market is, imagine a mall in the states… except instead of a building you get a set of streets, instead of American Eagle you get "Poon's Pants", instead of Hot Dog on a Stick you get Stinky Tofu on a stick, and instead of a few goth teens you get an explosion of 10 million locals all speaking Chinese and stepping on each other's feet.

No loitering!

Naomi, Kaylah, Audri, Deb and I perused the premises for a good while, looking at all the knock-off stores and illegal street vendors who will literally vanish into thin air at the first sign of cops. We tried on a few hats, I bought a new pair of aviators for a couple dollars (I'm sure they're real), and then we got down to the food zone for some awesome chicken wrap things that I will never be able to eat again because I don't remember the name.

It's all good though, because now I look awesome.

Eventually, Kaylah and Deb took off, and the rest of us went over to puppy lane where locals can buy dogs that appear to be specially bred to look more like large mice than the K9s they descended from. Of course, it's so crowded here in the city that any dog bigger than your hand would end up looking like a goldfish in a bowl anyway, but that still doesn't make them dogs in my book!

After laughing at the freaks of nature, we made our way over to get some shaved ice, imitate Brian Regan a little, and take some sticky pics.

These are sticky pics. Note: the word "manly" doesn't seem to translate well here.

It was a great experience, and it's something I recommend everyone does when they travel to Asia. It's also the only place around where you can buy a baby porcupine, so there's that too I guess.

No Soup For You!

Allow me to apologize. I realized that I’ve been here for two weeks now and I still haven’t really explained what it is I’m up to. Mostly that’s because I’ve been up to a whole lot of nothing lately, but that’s also because I’ve been quite sick, and that puts a damper on my productivity.

Regardless, I have been quite busy at ORTV, so I’ll try and highlight some of what I have been doing, and how everything here works.

So there are three magazines at three learning levels that we produce here. Let’s Talk in English is the beginning level magazine, which has an accompanying TV show that goes by the same name. Studio Classroom is the mid-level magazine, and also has it’s own, albeit slightly different TV show. Then there is Advanced magazine, which, rather than having a TV show, has a radio program.

The magazines feature articles that are mostly written in-house, and are generally about current events or trends. We have some good writers here, although they may have me write an article or two, so that could change very quickly.

Each article is intrinsically tied to it’s corresponding TV show. They are filled with vocabulary words, and labeled with the airdates for when that article, and its vocab words, will be covered on the show.

As for the shows, Let’s Talk in English (people here call it LTE, but I call it LT ‘cause I’m that much more lazy), has more of a drama aspect, while Studio Classroom (or SC) is set up with more of a newsroom feel. If you want to learn a little more about SC, you can visit the Studio Classroom site HERE.

About a week ago I walked into the TV studio for my first recording session, known here as “teaching.” I “teach” for the show Studio Classroom, which is the mid-level English learning TV program tied to the magazine with the same name. That means I’ll be getting up there every once in a while with another aspiring teacher, and trying to explain to the world what things like corporate espionage and iceboating are without using extravagant vocabulary. It sounds simple enough, but once you get in front of a camera, you end up sounding like porky pig trying to give the Gettysburg Address.

That being said though, my first time up there I did a six-minute segment in one take, which felt pretty good. It also helped that I was doing it with Chip, who is one of the veteran teachers on this show, and makes me look like the rookie I really am. He saved me more than once, so I've still got a long way to go before I've got the complete hang of it all, but at least I have someone good to model after.

I had a chance to have lunch with Chip and Campbell (another teacher) yesterday, at a place called Brother Noodle. Now there’s something you should know about Brother Noodle... their noodles are quite delicious, and they come in a variety of flavors. They have a rich, zesty “lion’s head” meatball, and their soups smell of freshly cut garlic. However, the guy who runs the place is a bit of a tyrant. He mercilessly patrols his restaurant, yelling at anyone who doesn’t finish all of their food. “You want to keep eating at Brother Noodle? You eat all your noodle!!!”

That’s right, New York might have the soup nazi, but here, we’ve got the noodle nazi!

"No noodles for you!"

Anyway, at one point our lunch was interrupted by some students who recognized Chip and Campbell, and wanted to take some pictures with them. Pretty cool, you might think, but I could see that getting pretty annoying, since you’re almost always being watched by somebody. 

br$#(*gf child gg^$(f#b!

However, having hobbit feet, and being Caucasian, and six feet tall doesn’t help me blend in very much, so I guess that’s just something I’ll have to get used to. Luckily, I don’t go on the air until January, so I still have a few more months of anonymity. I’m sure it’s coming though.

Anyway, it’s time for me to study my Chinese for the day. 



It’s turning out to be just as hard as you would expect learning Chinese to be, but I guess I just gotta keep on truckin’ so I can finally order that soup I want instead of always putting up with that same fried chicken they seem to think all Americans like.

Thanks a lot KFC!

So does anyone know how to say lobster bisque in Chinese?

Awesome Little Thing #2: The Sound of Thunder

The air is still and quiet.

Leaves fall from an ebony tree and rustle through a nearby park where parents gather their playing children, and head for their home. Glints of crimson sunlight are opaqued and eventually extinguished by the menacing storm clouds. Children rest their chins on cills as they star out the window.

Nothing stirs.

And then, a silent flash fills the sky. It's coming. One of the most raw and powerful sounds in the world.

I turn into a kid every time I listen to the gurgling roar of thunder, and that is no different in Taiwan. Every time I hear that sound I'm taken back to my grandparents house in Arizona where we used to sit on the back patio and watch the summer monsoon. I used to wonder how something so massive, so powerful, and so dangerous, could be so beautiful. 

I experienced my first Taiwanese thunderstorm the other night, and though I may yet complain about the rain, I am constantly reminded that God is truly the perfect craftsman, and I thank him for making something so powerful, so beautiful, so... incredibly… 

…awesome!

Awesome Little Thing #1: Collecting Smiles

You're having a bad day.

You were late to work, you forgot it was your mom's birthday, and now it's raining. But then, somebody you don't know throws you a smile. Smiling back is only polite, but it somehow makes your day better.

Not so in Taiwan though. Maybe it's because I'm caucasian, or maybe it's cultural, but people here don't smile back. They stare. 

However, as I walk down the street filled with dozens of people distracted by the colorful red and neon signs, I look right in their eyes and smile. Eventually, amid the stares, one old woman will look, and give me a big toothless grin back. Maybe it did nothing, but at least I can hope that maybe.. just maybe, I made somebody's day better!

…awesome!

"Five Day Ryan"

Let's try this again...

Right, so it's been a while since the last update, but that's not because I haven't tried. A couple days ago I had a couple beautiful posts lined up for you ready to go, and then they somehow got deleted so I got all moody and put-off. Now, however, I'm back in a good mood, and ready to have another go!

I have been adjusting quite well to life in Taiwan. A little too well actually. Within a ten minute walk of my home, there is a Starbucks, McDonald's, Subway, KFC, TGI Fridays, Chillies, NY Bagel, and a pancake house.

They even have In-&-Out!

So anyway, a lot has happened since last week, so let's start with what I did last weekend…

I slept in until 10am Saturday morning, waking up only briefly during a random thunderstorm in the middle of the night. I was invited out to lunch with Brandon and his friend Hunter, who had attended Friday Night Live with us the night before. Friday Night Live is a bible study, with an opportunity for students to use English, where all of the ORTV teachers are group leaders. It happens every Friday night, and it is a great opportunity for the students to get to know their teachers, and vice versa. Hunter is one of many students that I will have the opportunity to get to know through this program.

After lunch, I was invited to go on a hike to a waterfall. It sounded epic enough, so I obliged!

I went to Neihu and met up with Hunter, Gabe, Kayla, and Rachel. Here I also met Aidan, who is a really cool guy, and his friend Cindy. The seven of us headed out of the city and up the trail into the jungle.

It's amazing here. You can find yourself standing in the middle of a bustling city metropolis, but walk 5 minutes away and suddenly you're in an Indiana Jones movie!

It's even better when you have the theme song stuck in your head.

The path, which consisted of more stairs (again?), was covered in moss and looked like it had been there for a thousand years. It wound and twisted it's way through the jungle until it came to an abrupt halt at a sheer rock face that dropped down quite a distance on one side into the jungle below. 

We crossed the gap easily… or at least, we would have if the log bridge that was there before wasn't destroyed in a recent typhoon. All that remained was a single vine, bravely clinging for dear life to the side of the rock like some kind of makeshift tightrope.

Some of us got scared at this point

Hunter, our friend from Friday Night Live, got the willies and ran away. 

Literally… we stood there watching him run back down the trail. Poor guy. 

The rest of us pushed on, making a short climb up another rock face. It was a dangerous climb to be sure, but once I reached the top I no longer cared about my safety; I was too wrapped up in the view.

Off to the right, the valley poured into an endless sea of green broken only by distant city buildings which seemed to float on the hills as they spilled and rippled into the ocean below.

Then I turned and saw the waterfall. 

How can you not praise God after seeing such beauty?

After meeting some native Taiwanese people who were just leaving the falls, we got busy swimming, catching frogs, rope swinging, cliff diving, taking snap shots, and dancing for the curious locals who were watching from below.

After the hike, I went to an all English fellowship group called Impact which was meeting for the first time. At the time, I had only been in Taiwan for five days, so after introducing myself to so many new people, it somehow became a bit of a nickname. We'll see if it sticks, but if anything, at least I've got some good stories with which to remember my fifth day!